In Honour of Now
Time marches, and, we its slaves
Must carry forth, and carry on
The road that, from this vantage
Seems infinitely long
But truth lies in the ritual
As days slip past like sand
We watch worlds shift, take other forms
It was never in our hands
‘We could do more
We could be more
Have and give and mould
We can manufacture destiny’
But, always, we’ll grow old
And back, well gaze
Upon those days
Lost on discontent
We’ll think, ‘they were true
And we never knew’
Must we be hell bent
On change, on more, on looking on ?
On missing what is here?
For what’s here is now, what we’ll look back
Upon as golden years.
How good we had it then, well say,
It happens, without fail,
But in the moment, a seeming storm,
Do we only feel the hail?
The best years seem to lie ahead
We strive and reach and run,
But let’s rest a minute, take a breath
For herein lies the sun.
If we can breathe and look around,
And be happy where we be,
Maybe we dont have to grow old
For our golden years to see.
From the start, we’re taught to strive for the next stages in life. School, high school, college, career, marriage, parenting, etc. Each stage one might wander through in his or her life has its sub sections. There are various educational levels, we prepare for each, afraid to let a moment slide, lest we lose our hold on tomorrow.
As parents, we inevitably prepare for our children’s evolution. We steer them where we must, teaching them the skills they require to succeed.
We prepare ourselves to expand our families, feel pressure to fulfill expectations, create an ideal family unit. Beyond that, we face the pressure to reclaim ‘post baby bodies’, to maintain work, career. We feel stressed to prove that we are taking time for ourselves, to illustrate that, as parents, as mothers, we’re not lost to the world.
I’ve felt pressure my whole life to be better and to be more. To improve, instead of maintain. To change, rather than to embrace myself.
I admit, much of this may be interpretation. Were I to confront the sources of these pressures, they’d surely recant, insisting that’s not what they meant.
But as I grow older, I become more myself. I care so much less what others think I should do, what path I should be on.
Of course, I’ll still raise my child with growth in mind, but I hope I can teach her to embrace each moment a little, too.
This morning, she and I watched the sunrise. Pepper chattered happily, inexplicably describing the shifting colors to curious George. (Sure, why not?)
I tried to soak it in, because, though maybe I haven’t reached all the goals I’ve aimed for, all the standards set for me, I think I’ll look back on these days, and think, how great we had things then.
So, out of shape, messy housed, disorganized, high school educated me is choosing to invest my energy into loving now, loving today. My split ends abound, I have a hole in my pocket. I dress a little ‘weird’, I cry a lot, I feel everything. I’m not tough, I’m not strong, I don’t stand up for mysekf like I should. But, today, I can see the greatest thing I’ve ever done, and she’s my world, and, for this moment, at least, I’m hers. So, I can’t help but love today.
Because, time has shown us, again and again, that it’s always better than we thought it was, and if we can love each day, even a little, as we are now, that, in itself is a worthwhile growth. That is evolution.
Not every day can be perfect. We will be wounded, hurt. And I have been. The battles ive faced have shaped me. We may be shattered from time to time. But, as our scars heal, we all find, slowly, the moments of life that bring joy. And when our eyes reopen to them, sometimes, what we’ve learned in the fray remains clear.
Let us strive for todays; golden days that build to years that blend into a life. If we think every stage is precious, every stage is amazing. …..then won’t they always be?