The Most Wonderful Shit Show

Today is mother’s day. Peps woke me up at six, crying. By the time I was awake enough to deal with it, she had fallen bavk to sleep. She slept until nearly nine, and though my sleep in plans were crushed, i had a blissful coffee outside with my book. The husband made us breakfast ( with a mimosa for mom). He then had to go off to work. I had high hopes for a fun day with my baby! The weather is amazing!

Today Pepper ate a mouthful of dirt. This sent her into a spiral of gloom.

We tried making adorable footprint crafts. Pepper hated it. As I rinsed her feet in the sink, she opted to plunk her fully clothed self right in the water. I gave her some cups. She played for an hour. We took this time to facetime with grandma and grandpa, as the ipad was within reach. I dried her with dishtowels (also in reach). I got drenched.

Peps got angry with the cat for deserting her.

I tried cheering her up with the wading pool. I started filling it and she climbed in clothes and all. It was ice cold. I carried my panicked baby inside (soaking my own clothes again. )

I dried her, got her suit on and distracted her with cheerios while I added hot water to the pool, kettlefull by Kettlefull.

once in the pool, she played happily for about twelve minutes. Then dissolved into tears and screams. I took her out, set her down to dry her. She lost it. I cuddled her (soaked again!) and sang the itsy bitsy spider until she chilled out.

I got up to take her inside. She screamed manaically, as only a toddler can.

i found myself rocking her in my wet clothes, hiding under a tipped over beach umbrella, sweating amd hungry (missed my lunch window because I was filling that damn tub). My eyes ache from exhaustion,  I’m on my fourth outfit, I have literal dirt on my face. There’s laundry all over the house.

thank the good lord for naptime.

Pepper is now happily chirping and singing and playing with a tupperware container filled with baby spoons.  Her hair is full of sunscreen. It lookslike a mohawk. This is my first Mother’s Day with her.

it has been a real shit show.

I wouldn’t trade it for a thing. This time last year i was a week from my due date and anxious every day. I couldn’t wait to have her safe in my arms.

the year before, I was pregnant. I didnt know that the baby inside me had died.

If I fall into bed tonight in exhausted tears, covered in sunscreen and poop, my house a train wreck and possibly a little wine drunk, I will still have a smile in my heart. This is my very best Mother’s day.

To all the moms, moms to be, moms without children and children without moms: kindness and love. I hope your day was gentle on your soul and that your hearts are full, with love, memories and hope.

i’m too tired to edit this. I hope it makes sense.

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