I Got Sunshine, On a Cloudy Day

I’ve been an absentee blogger lately, and I’ve been bound and determined to make time to acknowledge the several nods for ‘The Sunshine Award’ I’ve received as of late. The first came from a blogger at Eli’s Corner. This blog is a look at the struggle to become a parent while dealing with loss and infertility. The author uses a combination of sensitivity and humor to convey her message. Thanks so much, Eli!! ( I also received a nod from Alexis at MySilverLining. Alexis is living her life with the grief following a miscarriage. Her posts are sweet, honest and hopeful. Thanks Alexis!).


As for this ‘award’, I didn’t have a clue what it was and had to scrounge around here on wordpress. I discovered that it’s essentially a way to recognize blogs that you have found helpful and inspiring. In something of a chain letter fashion, it comes with some rules. Normally, this type of post and repost kind of stuff is not something I’d get on board with, but I appreciate so much the acknowledgement from readers that they get something out of the words I share, and I see no harm in taking notice of some blogs I’ve found solace in as well.

So here are those rules:

1. Include the Sunshine Award icon in your post.

2.Link to the blogger (bloggers in this case) who nominated you.

3.Answer 10 questions about yourself (I will answer the questions on Eli’s page, as she was the one who nominated me first)

4.Nominate ten other bloggers who deserve recognition.

5.Post 10 questions for said bloggers to answer.


And we’re off. Let’s get to my Q & A session.

1. Why did you start blogging and why do you blog now?

I began my blog following losing my first baby at 17 weeks pregnant. I was devastated and desperate for any outlet that could serve to heal. I felt a need to roganize my thoughts, to document what I’d been through. In addition to painting and drawing, I found myself writing, filling scraps of paper, posting to Unspoken Grief, loading up the notepad on my phone with some heavy words. I’ve read so many blogs and websites that helped me tremendously, and I recalled vividly my search for that story that sounded like mine. It was with this in mind that I decided to go ‘public’ (only a handful of ‘real world’ people know of my blog) and post for the world to see. I wanted to ease the pain, even for just a second, of some woman out there who was searching, tears in her eyes, for a story to connect to. Why do I continue to blog? Because this journey isn’t over. I still feel pain from time to time. i still feel sadness and grief, and each day I live in an alternate world, one that never lets me forget that path I didn’t tread. That ‘could’ve been’. I want the world to know that though I have hope and have found peace and comfort, coming to terms with my emotions and struggles, I will always be without my first child, and I will never forget that. Not to mention, I’ve managed to garner a good number of followers. You really are listening! It touches my heart to think that my words are making an impact, and the support I find from you all in your comments and your own blogs is a strength I could not have made it to this point without.

2. If you were running for President (or Prime Minister or whatever your head of state is) what would your platform be?

I’m infamously politically ignorant, and, to be honest, I’m prone to playing devil’s advocate. I argue the other side, rather than my own, more often than not, but if I’m made to answer this loaded question, I suppose I’d have to acknowledge that my heart lies in education. I work in a school and have seen first hand the dedication and time that teachers and staff put into their work and into the kids that they work with every day. We (for the most part) do these jobs because we love them, but budget cuts and funding loss make it harder and hard to give kids what they need. That, and health care. I’m from Canada, and have nothing but appreciation for our health care system, but our doctors, nurses and health care staff are overworked, underpaid, and burning out fast. I don’t have the solutions to these problems, admittedly, and that being said, I’m staying off the soap box and am not planning on running for office.

3. Of all the places you’ve been, which one would you like to return to?  Why?

My husband and I have visited Maui 3 times. I never would have suspected that I’d want to travel repeatedly to one place, I always thought the more stamps on your passport, the better. But we fell in love, and having returned there 3 times, we’ve grown familiar with the island and it’s charms. We’ve learned how to avoid the tourist traps and hit the off the beaten path gems. After 3 visits, Maui has begun to feel like it has a sense of home. I miss it every day.

4. If you could go back in time to the beginning of your TTC journey and tell yourself one thing,  what would it be?

Be grateful everyday. I spent so much of my pregnant time complaining about illness and pain, never truly believing that my baby would be taken from me. It took me time to fully appreciate my pregnancy, and so quickly it was gone. I didn’t realize until I had lost the baby how much she meant to me, and had I known, I’d have embraced each moment we had together. I never could have understood how much an impact the life of a tiny unborn child could make.

5. If you were being interrogated by the CIA (or the KGB or MI6 or whatever your ‘scary secret police’ agency is) what song would they need to play over and over to break you?

When I was nominated, I’d have said Call Me Maybe, by Carly Rae Jepsen, or anything at all by Ke$ha. Today, I’m inclined to say ‘What Does the Fox Say?’. Kindergarten students break my spirit with that one on a daily basis.

6. Any random hidden talents?

Hidden talents? Um……depending on how many drinks I’ve had, I can pull out a pretty serious Minnesotan accent. And quote a lot of lines from Fargo while I’m at it. Sometimes (depending on said drinks) it turns into Sarah Palin. “I can see Russia from my house!”.

7. One of your top 5 quotes ever?

“But the Hebrew word, the word timshel—‘Thou mayest’— that gives a choice. It might be the most important word in the world. That says the way is open. That throws it right back on a man. For if ‘Thou mayest’—it is also true that ‘Thou mayest not.”

A lovely quote from Steinbeck’s East of Eden. This one is a tough call. I’m also partial to the final line in The Great Gatsby, ‘So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.’

8. What’s your proudest moment before the age of 10?

Wow. I don’t know, I think I was a fairly unremarkable child. I didn’t do sports, I wasn’t particularly good at public speaking, or clubs, or friends, for that matter. Most likely it would’ve had something to do with grades and school. I’ve always been just a bit of a nerd.

9. Best fictional book you’ve ever read (or one of your top 5)

How can I choose one? I could give you all five, but I’ll settle for two. As evidenced by my ‘quote’ response, East of Eden, by John Steinbeck and Three Day Road by Joseph Boyden (Canadian authors, represent!). I read…a lot. This is a tough question.

10.  What question do you wish I had asked you?

Hmmm, I don’t know, maybe a favorite movie question? The top five include The Exorcist, It’s a Wonderful Life (conflicting genres, yes), To Kill a Mockingbird, Breakfast at Tiffany’s and Pulp Fiction.


Alright, it’s time for me to send out nods to ten blogs from which I’ve taken hope and inspiration, sunshine, if you will:

1.http://projectsweetpea.wordpress.com/. I’ve kept up with this blog since I started blogging, and it’s author has given me some words of wisdom on my own posts. She posts with a clarity and composure I truly admire.

2.http://acalmpersistence.wordpress.com/. This blog never fails to offer some positivity in the face of some serious hurts and struggle. And for that reason, has been acknowledged for this award numerous times already.

3.http://missfannyp.wordpress.com/. This blog is about parenting, raising children and surviving.  Recently, it’s author has suffered a heartbreaking loss. She writes about her struggles with poignancy and a smattering of sweet humor.

4.http://miscarriagesmatter.wordpress.com/. Because, really, they do. And she’s got the guts to say it.

5.http://meandmissbee.wordpress.com/. With a blog full of whimsy and charm, the author is doing her damnedest to turn the pain of two tragic losses into hope for other burdened parents.

6.http://wombwarrior.wordpress.com/. Not always upbeat, but consistently real and honest. This author is clever and genuine, and does her best to convey hope.

7.http://littlebabyrowland.wordpress.com/. Her saddest stories break my heart and have honestly driven me to tears, but she often offers an upbeat note, some unique and revealing artwork and a number of playlists that always leave me feeling connected.

8.http://queerlytrying.wordpress.com/. The author and her wife lost their baby, and are struggling to regain footing. I admire her skill with words, she eloquently portrays pain and hope, and this ‘new path’ we all must walk.

9.http://amourningmom.com/. The author of this blog is surviving through losses I can hardly imagine. She does so with grace, honesty and composure.

10.http://mjohnson101.wordpress.com/. The author of this blog conveys her pain and hurt so beautifully. Her words are rich and lovely.


Whew. This is a long post. Still reading?

Ok, my questions. I’m bad at this, so I’m stealing some.

1. Why did you start blogging, why do you still blog?

2. If you can take one positive away from your TTC journey, what would it be?

3. What is your favorite book or novel?

4. What is your favorite place on earth?

5. What is one lesson you’ve learned this year?

6.Who inspires you most?

7.What would you tell your seventeen year old self if you could go back and whisper in her ear?

8.What’s your favorite film?

9. What do you do to find peace, calm, balance, happiness, whatever you call it? Yoga, art, writing, reading?

10. One of your favorite quotes.

Ok, ladies and gents, this may be my longest post to date. Here’s hoping you find something you need here, or a link to a blog that can inspire and instill hope in you.



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4 Responses to I Got Sunshine, On a Cloudy Day

  1. Lydia Zilahy says:

    Thank you for the nomination! I will get to answering questions tomorrow! I love reading your answers, thank you for being so open and honest.

  2. Alexis McM says:

    You read some awesome books!!! I have a three week break in December, maybe I will have to read those 🙂

  3. Pingback: Unicycles, crocodiles, heartbeats and what? Nominee-me? | Me and Miss Bee

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