Quiet Moments

Quiet moments weigh heavily upon my heart
When twilight fades to dark
when silence presses in

I’ve so much to be happy for
to be grateful for

I’ve lived so much this year
I’ve filled days with moments, unforgettable
I’ve breathed deeply of the earth and kissed the sun

I can count my blessings and smile
I can feel comfort and security
I can read in the sunshine
Drink a cup of tea
and drink in the world as it it may be just now

But these quiet moments
these quiet, twilight moments
when the darkness creeps up
and seeps in
into my bones, into my skin, into my core
into my heart
cool fingers clutching it with malice
reminding me that I’m not the same

the evening wind brushes back my hair
and whispers coolly in my ear
‘not yet’
‘you’re not safe yet’

I will rock to sleep in the cold embrace
swept up in the arms of permeating grief
that no longer disables me
but clings, holds fast
and does not let me fly away

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